Chrono Trigger – Review

chrono-trigger-snes-box-350h

Developer: Square

Platforms: Super Nintendo, PS1, DS

Release Date: Mar 1995

I get the strange feeling that someday, someone is going to question why I never review any games that have come out in the current year. Well, to that person I’d like to say it’s partly because I like destroying the innocence of people’s game-related childhood memories, and also partly because I just like how wholesome older games are in a modern context, in that they are simple affairs that don’t worry about things like online multiplayer, DLC or gratuitous amounts of mega violence. But the main reason is probably because ‘Get Bent, this is my reviewing page and I’ll review whatever the bloody hell I want’. (more…)

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Darksiders – Review

darksiders-box-art

Developer: Vigil Games

Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Release Date: Jan 2010

When I was a little thing….. boy I suppose…. I used to be rewarded for not setting hairy people on fire with a trip to the candy store! Once there, I could choose any sweeties I wanted, even the odd tasting sherbert sold in little packets by the hooded man outside. And every time, I would choose something like a KitKat, or a Twix, or a pack of Smarties. Any sweeties really, so long as it gave me enough of a high to molest the patience of anyone in my presence. (more…)

Braid – Review

braid-box-artwork

Developer: Number None Inc, Hothead Games
Platform: Xbox 360, PS3, PC
Release Date: Aug 2008

Braid Trailer

Hey, remember in my last review I mentioned I was going to play Braid? And now, here I am reviewing it? That’s continuity! Pretty professional, wouldn’t you say, JOB MARKET? Or are you still annoyed that I don’t think games like Pokemon or Grand Theft Auto are any good? That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you won’t let me be a brain surgeon, or a fireman. All of these years I always thought it was because of the smell that emanated from my knees. (more…)

Published in: on December 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Saw: The Videogame – Review

saw

Developer: Zombie Studios

Platform: PS3, Xbox 360, PC.

Release Date: Nov 2009

Saw: The Videogame trailer

I want to like horror games. I really do. But the videogame companies need to throw me a frickin’ bone here. For every decent horror film that comes out, there are about fifty absolutely terrible ones that make me want to douse my eyes with vinegar and jump into a helicopter propeller just to get away from them. It’s a little better with games because they’re a little harder to make, I suppose. But we still get the same old generic crap a hundred times over before something actually good comes outCase in point… (more…)

Published in: on December 19, 2012 at 11:49 pm  Leave a Comment  
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The Sly Collection – Review

Developer(s): Sucker Punch Productions, Sanzaru Games
Platform: PS3
Release Date: Dec 2010

Click Here for The Sly Collection trailer

Not so long ago, while discussing the Hercules TV series and half-woman/half-spider hybrid creatures, the topic of the Sly Raccoon games came up in conversation. I nonchalantly confessed that I had never played them. The reply to aforementioned confession was “Dude! You’re totally missing out. Like, dude. Totally……dude. Dude!”

Despite the questionable use of 90s slang, I decided that, seeing as good platformer games are hard to come by these days, I should probably give it a shot. Just to see if it would live up to my high Jak-and-Daxter, Spyro-the-Dragon standards.
Well, it isn’t quite up there with those classics. However, the cel-shaded adventures of this looting raccoon are the perfect remedy for those longing for some retro platforming action and simple fun. (more…)

WipEout HD – Review

Developer: SCE Studio Liverpool
Platform: PS3
Release Date: Sep 2008

Click Here for WipEout HD trailer

When it comes to racing games, I live by a strict code. If it doesn’t feature fuzzy, cartoony mascots that I’m already familiar with (such as Super Mario or Crash Bandicoot), then I’m not interested. Plain and simple, I want to use hilarious and unbelievable weapons to blow up the next racer, who is probably a walrus in dungarees. For me, there is no hook in ‘just’ racing. And while it is somewhat novel being a futuristic hovercraft racer, the only reason I played this game at all is because it was free. Despite my relentless cynicism though, I have to admit: WipEout HD is one of the most fun games I have played in a long time! (more…)

Rule of Rose – Review

Developer: Punchline
Platform: PS2
Release Date: Nov 2006

Click Here for Rule of Rose trailer

Getting your hands on a copy of Rule of Rose isn’t easy. You won’t find it in any shops, and Amazon sells it for, on average, about a hundred euro. Finding a leprechaun that looks like Roger Moore is far more likely than finding this game anywhere. Why is Rule of Rose so rare? Well, less one week after its release, it was banned in the UK. Bear in mind, games such as Grand Theft Auto and Resident Evil have some of the most violent and sexually explicit content you can find in games, so what makes this one so bad? In a word: Children (more…)

Pain – Review

Developer: Idol Minds
Platform: PS3
Release Date: Mar 2008

Click here for Pain trailer

The idea for Pain is simple, yet terrific. Senseless and idiotic violence is hilarious. Without it, we wouldn’t have slapstick. So, why not make a game that focuses on the concept? Not a beat-em-up, and not an action game. They just aren’t senseless enough. Therein lies the very essence of Pain: Funny, but completely meaningless. (more…)

Mickey’s Wild Adventure – Review

Developer: Traveller’s Tales
Platform: Playstation
Also on: Sega Mega Drive, SNES, Sega CD
Release Date: Mar 1996

Click here for Mickey’s Wild Adventure gameplay

Yes, it has a hilarious name. Yes, it got even worse when they released Epic Mickey. But please, can we be grown-ups? I mean, we’re not children, are we? Well, some of you might be. In which case, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog. I swear every now and then you know…and reference drugs and sexual relations. Not necessarily in this particular review, because implications of sex and drugs are hard to find in a game made by Disney interactive. I can try though. I’ll give it a go. If you know what I mean 😉 ……anyway (more…)

Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath HD – Review

Developer(s): Oddworld Inhabitants, Just Add Water Developments
Platform: PS3
Also on: Xbox, PC
Release Date: Dec 2011

Click Here for Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath trailer

It should come as no surprise to avid readers that I am a big fan of the Oddworld games. Since writing this blog, I’ve already reviewed the first two, and that wasn’t even the first time I’d played them. This is the first time I’ve played Stranger’s Wrath though, and I’ve got to tell you guys, it is different. Not necessarily bad different, not necessarily good different. Just… different. (more…)